I haven't made a post in a while. I feel like i need to let a lot of things out right now so i'm using this blog to vent because i have no where else to and i just love this blog even though i don't update it properly. I've been watching a lot of movies lately, Nick and Norahs infinite playlist being one of the ones i have connected with, i liked Remember Me but it was a little to deep for my situation. So on my other blog (www.breakmybones.tumblr.com) i have talked to people from everywhere in this world, England, Mexico, Singapore, Australia. The last one being my favorite because it's this guy named Ben. And though he's a year younger than me i believe and still in high school, i'm intensely attracted to him. Emotionally, sexually, physically (not in every sense of the word because we live on two different ends of the earth) just everything about him is what i want right now. how he tells me i'm beautiful, and that when he talks to me he's happy. i feel like an idiot when i talk to him, or when i wait till 4:00 am so i can talk to him on msn, but isn't that how crushes are suppose to make you feel...like a complete and total idiot, like you won't be able to sleep until you talk to them. I know it may seem unrealistic but i want to be with him, i want just everything with him. We've talked about it and just a long distance realtionship can not happen...i wouldn't mind one, but i think he's scared that i'll cheat on him. and i'm scared he'll cheat on me. He's a day ahead of me and i wouldn't even be able to sleep if i knew he was like out and stuff. It's a completely foolish relationship or whatever it is we have going on here. but i love it. everything he tells me, and the things he wishes he could do with me, i'm just here eating it all up for the moment. I've had relationships, i've had sex... but i've never had conversations with a guy like the ones i've had with him. And i'd rather have sex with a guy that knows how to keep a conversation interesting than a guy that knows how to make me orgasm, though i think ben could probably do both... lol.

arggggg i hate distance and  hate time and i hate that it seperates us from things we've never had before. but i'm going to make it last for as long as i can...if anything i'll be able to say i have an amazing friend i know in australia <3 :]